I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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