If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
