I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Randomize
