I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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