Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
