He kissed a someone with a penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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