It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
