ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
