And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
