he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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