OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize