Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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