What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
