I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
