some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
