My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
