I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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