Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize