So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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