you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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