Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
