You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize