I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
