On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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