remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
