I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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