She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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