On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
