It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
