im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
