Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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