I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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