I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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