Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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