i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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