I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
