I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
