The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
