so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
