why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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