I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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