He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize