I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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