I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
