I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
