just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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