guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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