it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
high people should be assigned attendants
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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