i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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