If i come over, it means nothing
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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