Say something about gay babies.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
