I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
