Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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