there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
