I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
