Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
