I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
