Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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