I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
