And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
