WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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