I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
