I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
