She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
