Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
