i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
