well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
