Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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