I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
