I don't usually arrange sex via text message
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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