More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
