U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
