He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This house was built for laser tag.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize